Exasperated

We're on emotional roller coaster the past few days...One moment lovey dovey, the other moment gnashing of teeth; anger mixed with frustrations. Perhaps we're so sensitive about the other's comments and words. Weimin gets angry with me easily. The words I say makes him very worked up. Did I say it repeatedly? I don't realize. Perhaps I'm better off keeping quiet as i used to. Shut up and just try to be happy and contented. He's frustrated too, why he makes such great effort trying to listen to me but yet i'm never happy with him. Beats me. Well, the most important things, if he has done that 20 percent, perhaps will make me 80 percent happy. Perhaps he need only spend that 20 percent effort, to reap that 80 percent results. I don't know. Hmmm...I need him to show me that he is interested. Perhaps not really about the schedule, but i really do feel down, regarding the wedding...everytime i try to make some plans and show to him, he will shut me off, saying that it is too far, don't plan so much...but i can't help it, it gives me security, a gesture to say that he loves me and he truly wants to have a future with me. Sometimes, it seems bleak to me, sometimes it seems bright...why am i so unhappy about not keeping up with the schedule? Maybe it really is a small issue. But i don't know why, just like i really hate to be late...i remember i kicked up such big fuss, for being late for MPW, for being late for church (to my brother), certain things, it just mean very much to me. Maybe because if feel very very tired trying to keep up with all the arrangements, i don't want things to be last minute and sloppy. He is very unhappy with me, well, i guess, i'm just not very good and understanding and loving, not a good wife sort. I know it. He thinks i'm hard to please...and naggy, and not understanding...Don't care about his stress, just want to drive him up the wall, just want to make him crazy... That i don't really love him...i don't know...i feel lousy...I don't know how to love him as well...I can't, maybe i'm not the wife sort. God, i don't feel like getting married again, it feels terrible to me. =*( How can i be a virtuous wife? I don't appear to be like that one that Psalm 31 describes. I'm emotionally needy, high maintenance in terms of energy and resources, definately not the most efficient energy consumption type. We had so much to iron out, maybe we had experienced this long time already... so now it is the breaking point...