Each One should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him (1 Cor 7:20)

Circumcision is nothing an uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's commands is what counts. (1 Cor 7:19)

In the same way, I want to trust God that whether He called me to married or not, I will not be troubled by it. Paul writes about his views regarding marriage in 1 Cor 7. It brings me comfort, knowing that God has called me, according to His good purpose...For myself, for Him, for everyone else. I should be at peace.

Tonight, I am going to meet weimin for dinner. He will tell me of his decision whether we'd marry or not, whether we'd continue the relationship or not, whether we'd delay the wedding ceremony? Of course, it made me extremely nervous as he made up his mind in 3 days instead of 5 weeks. Did he really spent the time to think through, to seek God, and did God speak to him clearly, did he verify whether he heard God correctly? Or perhaps God spoke so loudly he was so confident about it? I'm very afraid he'd tell me that, don't worry I still love you, but I won't marry you...

Even myself dare not think so much, even if i have this vague impression that we'd be back again. But due to my disobedience, I wonder if God will chose another method to teach me and mould me, to fulfill His purpose and will in my life? I remember how I met weimin, how I know it would be him...But perhaps at that time, I knew I should have waited. And how we'd sinned, right from the beginning...Whomever God loves, He chastens. I knew in my heart, someone, God will shake us up. Perhaps this is it. A wake up call, a jolt to bring us back to the narrow path again. How easy it is to stray!

I am fasting today for lunch today. I know that I need to. I will repent and bring my sins to God...I pray very hard that God forgive me, and restore me. That God will not cast me from His presence, or take His Holy Spirit away from me, even if I had grieved Him so many times... God will save me from my guilt, my sins, my transgressions, my iniquities... This is the second time! It is a repeated sin, how terrible it is... How much I have to fall to learn not to walk through the path of thorns?

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart God will not despise. He desires mercy and not sacrifices, obedience, rather than burnt offerings.

God, I am wrong. I know I have been deviant, rebellious and sinful...I have become the prostitute that the prophet Jeremiah has said. Time and again, I have failed God and forsaken Him...I so stubborn and stiff necked, worse than a mule... But God I am wrong...Against You I have sinned O Lord!

Even if God has given me the gift, to marry, I ought to be live as if I had no husband (1 Cor 7:29) because time is short... See how my uncle left this world. I wonder, if I will be able to bring the gospel to my own parents. He is a good man, I do not want to see him eternally suffering in hell...

God, save me, save my family! Save Weimin, and his family too!