Cast your burden on the Lord... Psalm 55.22

My body, my soul and my heart is heavily burdened...I sinned against God and against the one whom i love. I failed to guard my own heart. It is so heavy and unbearable...I felt I couldn't even lift myself, nor have any strength at all.

I spoke to John the night before yesterday. His words gave me hope. Some hope was planted in my heart. Perhaps, there is still chance for me, and for weimin and I. Thank God for godly men, may God raise more servants for Himself and His kingdom's sake. He did not condemn me or scold me. It is such wonderful feeling knowing that I need not hide...Wonderful to know that, I have hope. If David had committed the sin of murder and adultery, and with an earnest heart he asked God for forgiveness and God showed him mercy, what more I...If i could also be as earnest as he is. Lord help me.

John gave me some advice, and told me to do the following
1) Confess and ask for forgiveness from God
2) Confess and ask for forgiveness from weimin, in person. As soon as i can.
3) Do not do it again

And so, I cried out to God...I wept and mourn for my grevious sins. I confessed and ask for forgiveness, to whom which my life belongs - my redeemer, my Lord, Jesus Christ, my saviour. I belong not to my own, but to Him. I did so - in the toilet, my place of refuge at work.

Psalm 130

1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;
2 O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.
3 If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.
5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
6 My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.
7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.
8 He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins.

Suddenly...I felt my burden is lifted. My yoke is not so heavy anymore. God is merciful and gracious, He will forgive me. If anyone is in Christ, there is no condemnation. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. (jn 3:17)

So I will fast and pray, until Saturday when I see weimin. I shall put on sackclothe and mourn. I will cleanse myself and sin no more. I will start life anew and fresh. I will change...I pray that weimin will forgive me, even if he does not want to love me or be with me anymore. My mind is clear. I will follow God, whereever He brings me to. Whether married or unmarried, I life my life worthy as a child of God. For I was redeemed by Him. I belong to Him. I will find rest in His arms.