Yesterday I stumbled upon a news about an "elitist" Singaporean youth, expressing honestly in reply to a fellow blogger regarding the insecurites of he faces as a Singaporean. She is the teenaged daughter of our very Singapore Member of Paliarment. Her equivocalness has brought many a negative response. I too, was shocked and disturbed.
You can click here for the news http://sg.news.yahoo.com/061217/3/45ih4.html.
I've even went to search for the actual site which this fellow blogger had posted his expression of disheartenment and fear about his livelihood as he nears 40 (Actually he's only 35). I read it. I also read the actual blog entry that our MP's teenage daughter's wrote in response to his expression. After reading them both, I felt peeved and sad that, indeed as what the news reporter commented - that the social fabric is torn. It sounds like a personal attack, not only directed towards the "victim" but to the entire singapore population.
Some argues in favour for her that she has her freedom of expression. In her apology she said that she is naive that she doesn't know so many would read her blog. (Although I agree the apology does not sound apologetic at all)
Well, it is nothing to be sad about, for elitism has existed for as long as mankind has. Has any human, being in power, authority and abundance of resources, not abused it? It has expressed in far worse form than it has in Singapore. Kings, feudal lords and peasants, for example. How can I not understand, since I've ever visited the slums in India and witnessed a young lady 16 years of age, burnt by her own husband? What's airing of one's opinion via blogging compared to those? Yet at the moment I read the news, my heart felt slumped.
Online activity can sometimes blow out of control, as it is a "free-for-all" internet space, all kinds of sites can be found - like a double-edged sword. Hate-sites, Racism-sites, Learn-how-to-make-bomb-sites, and Join-the-aneroxic-club site, to name a few. On the other hand, internet is a cheap and effective way of communication and knowledge sharing. A lot of my lecture notes can be found online. I can learn math, physics and other interesting subjects like materials and how things work, online.
With such a tool, one should take responsibility of his/her behaviour. That's basic moral behaviour and maturity. Talk about a lady teacher I read once in Newpaper that she has a blog publishing her sensual pictures and felt no remorse. Ahhh... the worrying trend of people unable to differenciate right from wrong with a highly compartmentalised life is another issue...the erosion of morality. I struggle with it too! May the Lord have mercy on us! Shan't comment on this for now, else it's going to hurt your eyes reading if i go on rantling.
My opinion is that when you post something as public as a blog, you must be prepared to bear any consequence, or responsibility of what you publish. No excuses that you do not wish someone to read it. If so, keep it under lock and key on paper - not internet. Perhaps like me, she thought as long as she does not publicize her blogsite, she will not be in trouble.Wrong. One spreads to ten, ten spreads to hundred and so on. Chain mail effect. Also, consider your position. If you're public figure like a teacher or politician, scandalous pictures and life-style is a no-no since you're a role model and under scrutiny of the public!!
To the equivocal youth:
================
The "defendant" would have kept opinions to herself to avoid being blasted. However, I hope the heated responses from netizens gave her some lashing. Perhaps she grow up being compassionate, empathatic, moral and civic minded. (Like when Mrs Goh Chok Tong, Singapore's previous first lady said S$600,000 is peanuts!!!) If she were to become one of Singapore's policy makers one day, I rather that one who has made mistakes but has learnt it, not one who has not done wrong and harbour dangerous elitist mindset, unaware to all. Chastening disciplines a person you know. Sometimes we are stubborn and learn things the hard way. I testify that. But at the very least, we learn.
To the "defendant", I'm not here to argue whether who's right, or wrong. I give her my benefit of doubt. For Jesus said, let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone. I may have been worse when I shunned the dark bangladeshi worker with his dirty apparels. The end of the day, the Lord shall judge. The wicked shall not be unpunished have they not repented.
To the insecure victim
=================
To the "victim", I'd like to emphatize with him. Being 35 not-yet-40 having such fears in a globalised world and globalised country Singapore. Competetion for jobs is no longer within a country itself but worldwide. It's the same for businesses. It's a cut-throat world out there...I feel it too, albeit having a meagre 1.5 years experience in my career. I guess like me, he blog just to express your exasperation and anxiety.
Epilogue:
=======
I wished, he and the rest of the Singapore population who felt the same way, knows that there is a hope. And His name is JESUS. Eversince I know Jesus, I will sing this song whenever I feel insecure. You can hear the melody and read the lyrics here. http://www.angelfire.com/co2/inspiration/worry.html .
I am reminded in this episode that the world i live in is not as perfect as I'd like it to be. Somehow, at the back of my mind I know how my perfect country's government shall be like. No sickness, tears, fears, murders, covetousness, sadness nor hopes and dreams dashed. I look forward to the new heaven and earth, new body that does not deteriorates as well as pathways pathed with gold. All these God promised us in the book of revelation.
We may not be entirely happy about policy changes, tax raises etc. However I believe God is sovereign. He places masters amd people of authority over us (in modern day term - bosses and goverment -- gahment for short). They are to protect us. They, at judgement day have to give an account unto God what they have done with the resources God has entrusted them with. Should they abuse their authority and power, causing the grieve of people to reach His heavenly courts - they shall not go scott free. Not many can take up such authority. God has appointed them in His throne. In fear of God - not man, we should respect them and not grieve them.
On an ending note, this is perhaps the first "serious" entry i've posted so far. I'm not as nonsensical after all!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Do You Like My Blog?
I asked weimin last night if he liked my blog. He said yes. I asked, which part of it do you like? He said, all of it. *yawns* Our conversations are, oddly and funnily, very similar. I wonder if he's being programmed by God to answer like that. (And I wonder if I'm being programmed by God to ask like that too!!!)
Our typical Q & A session is like this:
Type A
----------
SH: Do you like me?
WM: Yes.
SH: Which part of me do you like?
WM: All of it.
Type B
----------
SH: Does this *dress/blouse/skirt/shirt/shoes/bag look nice -- *delete where not applicable
WM:Yes
SH: Which part of it do you think is nice?
WM: All of it, as long as you like it.
Type C
----------
SH: Why do you like me?
WM: I just do and because God says so.
SH: So which way am I likeable that makes you like me?
WM: Everyway.
Do you see a striking trend here?
So do you like my blog, will you give me a more interesting answer than weimin?
He says the blog is my channel of venting my frustrations and thoughts, so that i'll feel better. I prefer to think that my blog, is a way which I review my thoughts and actions so that i'm better aware of myself.
I asked if he'd write a blog too like me. He says no. I ask, why not? He says, he wouldn't be ready to let others know his thoughts so openly.
I suppose me too. That's why until today only Weimin and I knows about this blog. If you ever read it someday, I wonder how long's this post been here already. ...Did I ever say I'm not ready to let others know of my thoughts so openly too? Well, if you read it, either you stumbled upon it or I've opened up because I'm more assured of myself to bare my journey of thoughts and growth!
I hope you like my blog!
Our typical Q & A session is like this:
Type A
----------
SH: Do you like me?
WM: Yes.
SH: Which part of me do you like?
WM: All of it.
Type B
----------
SH: Does this *dress/blouse/skirt/shirt/shoes/bag look nice -- *delete where not applicable
WM:Yes
SH: Which part of it do you think is nice?
WM: All of it, as long as you like it.
Type C
----------
SH: Why do you like me?
WM: I just do and because God says so.
SH: So which way am I likeable that makes you like me?
WM: Everyway.
Do you see a striking trend here?
So do you like my blog, will you give me a more interesting answer than weimin?
He says the blog is my channel of venting my frustrations and thoughts, so that i'll feel better. I prefer to think that my blog, is a way which I review my thoughts and actions so that i'm better aware of myself.
I asked if he'd write a blog too like me. He says no. I ask, why not? He says, he wouldn't be ready to let others know his thoughts so openly.
I suppose me too. That's why until today only Weimin and I knows about this blog. If you ever read it someday, I wonder how long's this post been here already. ...Did I ever say I'm not ready to let others know of my thoughts so openly too? Well, if you read it, either you stumbled upon it or I've opened up because I'm more assured of myself to bare my journey of thoughts and growth!
I hope you like my blog!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
When Work Is Simply Overwhelming - The Going Gets Tuff, and the Tuff goes ...
Complete the sentence above.
Multiple Choice.
(a) Crazy...(like making a monster costume to make a fool of oneself in front of the whole company and their partners, customers etc...)
(b) Unpredictable...(by doing things simply unbelievable and unpredictable, like, laughing out loud and singing irritating songs)
(c) Silly...(by talking to myself)
(d) Lost...(in the tuff world.)
(e) All of the above
If you chose (e), you're probably right. I (yeah, I'm the "tuff"), am capable of doing the above things.
It's kind of driving you nuts because there's numerous deadlines, schedules to meet, queries to answer to. The wierd thing is that, the more calls I get (from Sales, Mechanics, or Composite Shop or QA or Leadmen....Erm, obviously they want something from me, and they want it FAST)...The worse I become. So much so I can be lost, since my "to-do" list is SOOOOO long I don't know where to start. All are Priority No. 1 for their various reason. Somehow, I freak out and have the following reactions.
(a) I do the exact thing I hate/fear - like, wasting time. And I get really spontaneous. Very unlike me, who likes to plan a lot. Indeed I'm getting crazy.
(b) I laugh out loud, sing songs and make comments that irritates people from my cubicle (and sometimes beyond). I get nervy, which makes others nervy too. I burst out laughing...which makes people wonder about me...Perhaps I'm really getting unpredictable.
(c) "This patch is to have overlap of minimum 1.0 inch, the curing must be autoclave...the repair area is of high loading so i need to reinforce with fasteners...I should use rivets...Damn the calculations that make my head spinss...." - see, I talk to myself. Silly me.
(d) I get lost in my own world, starting to dream... about going home to watch animes or movies...
(e) Indeed, the fact that I'm spending time to even write this absurd post. Indeed, I'm going bonkers.
Multiple Choice.
(a) Crazy...(like making a monster costume to make a fool of oneself in front of the whole company and their partners, customers etc...)
(b) Unpredictable...(by doing things simply unbelievable and unpredictable, like, laughing out loud and singing irritating songs)
(c) Silly...(by talking to myself)
(d) Lost...(in the tuff world.)
(e) All of the above
If you chose (e), you're probably right. I (yeah, I'm the "tuff"), am capable of doing the above things.
It's kind of driving you nuts because there's numerous deadlines, schedules to meet, queries to answer to. The wierd thing is that, the more calls I get (from Sales, Mechanics, or Composite Shop or QA or Leadmen....Erm, obviously they want something from me, and they want it FAST)...The worse I become. So much so I can be lost, since my "to-do" list is SOOOOO long I don't know where to start. All are Priority No. 1 for their various reason. Somehow, I freak out and have the following reactions.
(a) I do the exact thing I hate/fear - like, wasting time. And I get really spontaneous. Very unlike me, who likes to plan a lot. Indeed I'm getting crazy.
(b) I laugh out loud, sing songs and make comments that irritates people from my cubicle (and sometimes beyond). I get nervy, which makes others nervy too. I burst out laughing...which makes people wonder about me...Perhaps I'm really getting unpredictable.
(c) "This patch is to have overlap of minimum 1.0 inch, the curing must be autoclave...the repair area is of high loading so i need to reinforce with fasteners...I should use rivets...Damn the calculations that make my head spinss...." - see, I talk to myself. Silly me.
(d) I get lost in my own world, starting to dream... about going home to watch animes or movies...
(e) Indeed, the fact that I'm spending time to even write this absurd post. Indeed, I'm going bonkers.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Silly Dinner and Dance - Discovering myself
I've been to 2 dinners recently, both of which i felt awkward to attend. But there's one which turned out pretty ok.
That was my company's dinner and dance. It was on 2nd Dec Saturday. I made myself a costume to wear. It was Mike Warzowski from Monster Incorporated. (you know, the side kick - one eyed green monster that snatches children's candies?) I wonder if it's because I refuse to be self-conscious to dress up so that i can be glamarous-but-meaningless for the dinner. So i did the exact opposite. Instead of dressing up like going for the movie awards, I dressed like a fool, so that I can be like a fool and couldn't care less about how I look. Lest I fall into this self contempt of feeling less-prettier-and-less-gracious-than-others. (OK i admit i put on make-up - but that's because I have to attend a wedding in the afternoon. I couldn't go like some sloppy ghost isn't it, it's broad daylight!)
Actually even that day i still battle with it because I *gasp* to see the beautiful dress i wished i had on another colleague's body-perfect body, wear killer heels (which I think I'd fall flat on my nose or get nasty blisters and aches), perfectly powdered and flawless face... I looked at myself and thought I'm gonna be that ugly green toad (ok, monster) ... *moody again*
Somehow after the entire thingy, it worked. I came out not feeling exactly great, because I thought I was over-silly and placed myself in the lime-light. Lots of self-doubts which was weimin constantly re-assured me. (thank God for him) I suppose the fear of feeling lousy is more than that of feeling silly being in the lime-light. Hence I chose not to be in the league of the girls although i very much wanted to be one of them - pretty, gorgious, friendly, smiley, admired....bla bla.
But some days later, I thought I did the right thing... Weimin enjoyed himself, I won a $100 cash prize (consolation - damn that dancing gladiator or I would have made a 10x profit).
I'm always different, always odd, always unable to stream myself to the mainstream. I find myself enjoying being silly, being odd, being different. Here you are, it's me, still in the process of discovering myself, although I know I'm way too old to be a teenager.
Instead of being conscious of eating graciously and behaving like a lady-of-etiquette, i decided that food is too delicious to refuse and so I ate to my heart's content. It's free anyway. Who cares about being pretty, slim and gracious? Why this ugly-duckling sydrome? Oh what the heck, just eat, drink and be merry!!!
That was my company's dinner and dance. It was on 2nd Dec Saturday. I made myself a costume to wear. It was Mike Warzowski from Monster Incorporated. (you know, the side kick - one eyed green monster that snatches children's candies?) I wonder if it's because I refuse to be self-conscious to dress up so that i can be glamarous-but-meaningless for the dinner. So i did the exact opposite. Instead of dressing up like going for the movie awards, I dressed like a fool, so that I can be like a fool and couldn't care less about how I look. Lest I fall into this self contempt of feeling less-prettier-and-less-gracious-than-others. (OK i admit i put on make-up - but that's because I have to attend a wedding in the afternoon. I couldn't go like some sloppy ghost isn't it, it's broad daylight!)
Actually even that day i still battle with it because I *gasp* to see the beautiful dress i wished i had on another colleague's body-perfect body, wear killer heels (which I think I'd fall flat on my nose or get nasty blisters and aches), perfectly powdered and flawless face... I looked at myself and thought I'm gonna be that ugly green toad (ok, monster) ... *moody again*
Somehow after the entire thingy, it worked. I came out not feeling exactly great, because I thought I was over-silly and placed myself in the lime-light. Lots of self-doubts which was weimin constantly re-assured me. (thank God for him) I suppose the fear of feeling lousy is more than that of feeling silly being in the lime-light. Hence I chose not to be in the league of the girls although i very much wanted to be one of them - pretty, gorgious, friendly, smiley, admired....bla bla.
But some days later, I thought I did the right thing... Weimin enjoyed himself, I won a $100 cash prize (consolation - damn that dancing gladiator or I would have made a 10x profit).
I'm always different, always odd, always unable to stream myself to the mainstream. I find myself enjoying being silly, being odd, being different. Here you are, it's me, still in the process of discovering myself, although I know I'm way too old to be a teenager.
Instead of being conscious of eating graciously and behaving like a lady-of-etiquette, i decided that food is too delicious to refuse and so I ate to my heart's content. It's free anyway. Who cares about being pretty, slim and gracious? Why this ugly-duckling sydrome? Oh what the heck, just eat, drink and be merry!!!
Resolutionssss....
Once again, I'm on this resolution bug... Every year, when it's about to come to an end, I'll think of what I'd like to focus on the next year. What I'd like to improve on, what i'd like to do, to achieve. It's the same again for this.
Next year, I'd need to focus on
- organizing the wedding (Nov 17, make sure you mark that down on your calender)
- try to wake up in the early morning to do quiet time (just like I did in school - somehow I couldn't sustain for more than a couple of months doing this since I started working)
- try to wake up even earlier in the morning to jog.
- try to be regular for Royal Rangers if I can - besides going home to M'sia to settle the wedding stuff
- try to attend a cell regularly - and not dash (or run) here and there between weimin's cell / chinmung's cell
Of course, weimin wants me to join his cell since he felt i could learn more about family life and a parent's struggles with children there. I'm not exactly enthusiastic, because I don't know them. In fact I chickened out several times before that. It led to some conflict between us as he felt disappointed with me.
Resolution time also makes me moody...because resolution time is during december, when
- I spend more $$ than usual, so i feel poorer. You know, it's moody to feel poor.
- I feel tired and afraid of meeting more people or even catching up with old friends. I just want to stay at home and sleep so that I need not to speak to anyone.
- I usually feel more lousy during this period since it's year end and I realised I haven't achieved much of my resolutions I set the year before for this year.
Awww, you know, i hate to change after I get comfortable, but change is inevitable... or i'd be obsolete. December is just moody as I know I need pick myself up for major overhaul. That's the sad thing about resolutions. Maybe that's why it's damn hard to stick to. I never ever got all my list ticked at the end of the year. Consider it an achievement if it's even 50%.
Aside from feeling moody, I try to perk myself up by telling myself that : The old has gone (ok, it should be: "going") and the new has come!!
Next year, I'd need to focus on
- organizing the wedding (Nov 17, make sure you mark that down on your calender)
- try to wake up in the early morning to do quiet time (just like I did in school - somehow I couldn't sustain for more than a couple of months doing this since I started working)
- try to wake up even earlier in the morning to jog.
- try to be regular for Royal Rangers if I can - besides going home to M'sia to settle the wedding stuff
- try to attend a cell regularly - and not dash (or run) here and there between weimin's cell / chinmung's cell
Of course, weimin wants me to join his cell since he felt i could learn more about family life and a parent's struggles with children there. I'm not exactly enthusiastic, because I don't know them. In fact I chickened out several times before that. It led to some conflict between us as he felt disappointed with me.
Resolution time also makes me moody...because resolution time is during december, when
- I spend more $$ than usual, so i feel poorer. You know, it's moody to feel poor.
- I feel tired and afraid of meeting more people or even catching up with old friends. I just want to stay at home and sleep so that I need not to speak to anyone.
- I usually feel more lousy during this period since it's year end and I realised I haven't achieved much of my resolutions I set the year before for this year.
Awww, you know, i hate to change after I get comfortable, but change is inevitable... or i'd be obsolete. December is just moody as I know I need pick myself up for major overhaul. That's the sad thing about resolutions. Maybe that's why it's damn hard to stick to. I never ever got all my list ticked at the end of the year. Consider it an achievement if it's even 50%.
Aside from feeling moody, I try to perk myself up by telling myself that : The old has gone (ok, it should be: "going") and the new has come!!
Friday, December 08, 2006
It's A New Blog!
Wow, it's been really long since i've last blogged. I'm rather inspired by Sandy. She keeps up her blogging while i only been able to post 3 articles so far (Since 2005). That's a whole good year!!! It's rather interesting to read her blog, she puts in her thoughts and updates about her life. When i'm bored at work i visit her blogsite to look for some inspiration and solace about life. You can visit hers too at http://hopefish.blogspot.com/.
Perhaps blogging is a way of self-discovery. It's good to consider and review one's thoughts, actions and behaviour. Sandy's very right that she says blogging is how much one would like to reveal yourself. In fact I've never told anyone about my previous blog except for weimin, my boyfriend. He's not very interested anyway. Thus my previous blogs were more like a personal diary than anything else.
Therefore, i've decided to start an entirely new blog, since i've finished school and entired the market place (yes, for one good year already!) So here it is.
Alrighty, it's 8am and i'm supposed to start work now. Yes Now.
Perhaps blogging is a way of self-discovery. It's good to consider and review one's thoughts, actions and behaviour. Sandy's very right that she says blogging is how much one would like to reveal yourself. In fact I've never told anyone about my previous blog except for weimin, my boyfriend. He's not very interested anyway. Thus my previous blogs were more like a personal diary than anything else.
Therefore, i've decided to start an entirely new blog, since i've finished school and entired the market place (yes, for one good year already!) So here it is.
Alrighty, it's 8am and i'm supposed to start work now. Yes Now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
